I'm going to at least attempt to write this post without tears but I feel like there are some things I need to say and process.
In light of the 10 year anniversary of my brain tumor surgery and the race upcoming this weekend, I have been reflecting much on the journey. There have been many times over the last few months that I've stopped to think about where I was on this day in 2004.
So 10 years ago this weekend I spent the weekend in the hospital hooked up to EEG monitors with nasty glue in my hair. At that point it had been a little over a month since the surgery and every evening I was getting strange feelings and my legs wouldn't stop shaking. We are still not sure to this day if I was having partial seizures or anxiety attacks (learning more about temporal lobe epilepsy over the years the panic attacks could have been seizures). Being hooked up to the monitors and not being able to sleep just made me feel even worse. I think that was really one of my lowest points physically and emotionally. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, which I also understand now could have brought the seizures on. All the family help had gone home at that point and I didn't realize until that time I relied on them so much to feel safe. I went from being grateful that I was alive to thinking that I was going to die. Fortunately with a new doctor and some medication changes that weekend I got out of that place and slowly but surely improved over time. It's been a long road to get where I am now accepting some deficits, learning to overcome fear and be stronger than that negative voice in my head. I could not have done it without amazing family friends and coworkers who loved me, humored me at times and told me to get over myself at others.
So fast forward to this year... I have never been nor have I ever seriously considered the thought of being a "runner." I loathed gym class from middle school on and remember the terrible torture that was the mile run for the presidential fitness challenge we had to do for several years. My neurosurgeon immediately recommended walking/jogging after surgery and I didn't take him seriously. I had no idea what kind of positive effect it would have on brain chemistry. So after a few failed attempts over the years, I decided in the fall that this was a challenge I needed to take on. When I saw the information about the American Brain Tumor Association's 5K I decided to make an official commitment. Now if you told me 10 years ago that I would be RUNNING with 1,000 other people in the middle of downtown Columbus I would have laughed in your face. It's a panic attack waiting to happen, but I finally said the hell with it, I'm going to do this. And short of some pain here and there it has made me feel amazing. I went from 15 and 16 minute miles to now 10 and 11 minute miles. I wont break and records but my own but that is definitely an amazing feeling. I can't wait to cross that finish line!
Thank you again to everyone who has supported me through my long recovery and those of you who have been supportive of me in the last several weeks and for your donations to the run. ABTA has raised well over their intended goal and so did I! Just over $600 today!
