job update

The day of the MRI, I had a meltdown of sorts.

I spent the majority of the morning working up the courage to go talk to my boss.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I've had a really hard time with my job since about August. I was so completely overwhelmed, I did not even know where to start, and several new developments on Monday morning just pushed me over the edge.

I had tossed the idea around to my long term disability insurance company about changing jobs a 4th time since my surgery. He said that they actually have a rehabilitation department that would assist me in job placement and just let him know when my last day is. Funny, I've been working with this company for at least the last 2 years, and no one ever mentioned that for the 2nd job change... or the 3rd. I'll spare you the boring details on that subject.

I finally screw up the nerve and walk into my boss's office. I sit down in the chair and start sobbing. I tell him in something that may or may not have sounded like English that I was at the point where I felt I couldn't continue on and I did not want the district to lose money because of my disability. He was absolutely understanding, told me I should go home and actually was worried about me driving. He wanted to know more details about how long I thought I could stay and exactly what I wanted to do. I told him I needed to think about it, talk to Eric and the neuropsychologist, and I would get back with him.

I talked to Eric who backed me, he sees the end result of this more than anyone else and I had an appointment with the neuropsychologist the next at afternoon. This doctor has been seeing me since 2006 and found through neuropsychological testing that I had deficits in several areas since the surgery and that I was worse since my testing immediately after the surgery.

She agreed that a job change was necessary and actually told me that she herself wasn't sure that the school job was the best fit. However, I was insistent (mostly because the schedule looked so good) and it was my life. Now... I will be leaving my job at the end of this month and we will be starting to look at some other positions that I may be able to handle better and she is firm on no more than 20 hours a week. I really have no idea what I *could* do. Some part time jobs would really exploit my memory deficits, so we shall see what comes up.

The down side is the money situation. I will receive disability benefits until the end of this May, unless it's determined that I cannot do ANY job. I feel that this is unlikely. I believe that we'll be able to make significant cuts in our spending, and Nathaniel will be starting school in the fall, so that may end up taking care of itself.

The up side is that we will absolutely make the most informed decision this time instead of just snapping up any job in a panic. And HOPEFULLY I will be able to return to some semblance of a normal life. Right now all of my time, energy and resources go to this job. I need to be a good mom, a good wife, and a better person. I am really depending on this helping.